Self Love Is Not A Technique To Get Your Ex Back – But It May Be The Reason Why You Have Lost Them In The Past

Often times I encounter people who think that self love is a technique that will get their ex back or help them manifest their specific person. While that is partially true, I would also like to ask this question: are you working on your self love because of you or because you think that that is a technique that will get your ex back? If you are doing it for the latter reason, you should reconsider it.

This post is not meant to discourage you but I feel inspired to let you know that self love is not a “technique”. Self love is not a way to get your ex back. Self love is a realization that you are worthy of all of your desires. It’s about being your own cheerleader. It’s about seeing your own worth and seeing that you deserve to have your desires. It’s about your confidence. It’s about your faith.

You can easily compare this to your love for somebody else. When you love someone, you only wish the best for them. You support them and you show them love in every way you can. Maybe you buy them gifts or perhaps you only show it through your words and actions, it doesn’t really matter, but you still show your love for them. You care about their health and well-being. You think they are beautiful and deserve the best they can get, don’t you? Now, apply that to yourself.

But, do it for yourself. Don’t do it because you think it will bring your lover back. Do it because you know you deserve the best. Do it because you know your own power. Do it because you believe that you are the God or the Goddess.

I recently had a dream that I would like to share with you. In this dream I was aware of what was happening and I was controlling it. Before I became aware that I was dreaming, my dream was all over the place. I was not only seeing the things that I wanted to see, I was also seeing the things that I did not want to see. That was when I realized: I am God. I can change these things for the better. I don’t need to go along with them. And, because it was a dream, I was able to change things instantly. I started with the color of the car. It was just for fun but I changed it from blue to grey. Then I changed the person I was hanging out with. I let it go for a while, and during that time we were driving somewhere. That was when I started thinking: I am God and I don’t need to accept things the way they are presented to me. They are just a result of my past thoughts and beliefs. But I know better now. I can change all of it. I may still have some old stubborn beliefs that I need to work on, but I believe in my power as God and I know I can create exactly the life that I want for myself.

The thoughts I had during that dream stuck with me. Usually, I can only remember the feelings and the images that I have seen in the dreams. I forget the conversations and the thoughts that I’ve had in dreams. However, this time it was different. I don’t usually control my dreams. I don’t feel the need to learn to lucid dream because my dreams are usually just a reflection of my day or show the imaginal act I was looping before I fell asleep. But this time it was different.

I feel that many of us have lost our specific people in the past because we didn’t feel worthy of them. We felt they are too good for us or that the entire relationship was too good to be true. We acted on those feelings. Created drama. Had bad thoughts. Weren’t very positive about our future together. Put our specific person on a pedestal and minimize our own worth.

However, self love is about putting yourself on a pedestal. Be supportive of yourself just the way you are supportive of this person. Think of yourself as highly as you are thinking of this person. I know it may feel unnatural but when you think about it, would you treat your specific person the same way you are treating yourself in your thoughts, if you have bad mental conversations? If you are repeating negative things to yourself, such as, “I am a failure” or “My SP is too good for me”, you have to change that. Would you use that same language to talk to the person you love? Would you tell them they are a failure and not good enough for you? You wouldn’t, because you love them enough not to treat them so badly.

Love yourself enough not to treat yourself badly either. Love yourself enough to know that nothing is too good for you. You deserve the best. And because you deserve the best, always imagine the best for yourself. If it takes a while, don’t beat yourself up for it. Just persist. And know that thinking badly of yourself will result in manifestations as well. If you think somebody is too good for you, your world will reflect that.

And yet, there is nothing “too good” for you. This is your world. All you need to do to get the best of it is believe that you are worthy of it. Because you are.

2 thoughts on “Self Love Is Not A Technique To Get Your Ex Back – But It May Be The Reason Why You Have Lost Them In The Past

  1. I’m just curious … how do you talk to your SELF, do you do it aloud? Not necessarily just in relation to this post but with mental diet – and trying to flip negative inner talk which can feel exhausting.


    1. Hi! Sorry for the late reply!

      Yes, flipping the thoughts around can be exhausting. We have an article on that, it was posted before the most recent Q&A’s and we touched on this topic there, if you want to read more about it.

      No, I don’t do it aloud. It’s more about the feeling. Let’s reverse it for a moment. When you are convinced that something negative will happen and you have these “hopeful” thoughts that indicate that maybe you will experience a positive outcome after all, you naturally push them aside, don’t you? For example, if you are told that the type of the car that you wish to buy is unavailable but you need a new one tomorrow, it may be a bit hard to convince yourself that this car can become available by tomorrow. Because of that, you are thinking from the state in which you accepted this car as unavailable. It feels natural to think that way. If you, for a moment, think that car may somehow become available tomorrow, you will automatically be like, “Ah, that’s silly, I was told that it’s unavailable, I should just give up” or something like that. That’s the feeling and the “automatic” response that I am talking about.

      Basically, what mental diet is to me is what happens naturally when you experience your desire in your imagination and feel it as real. Once you do that, any thoughts contrary to that will feel unnatural. Yes, you will still have doubts and negative thoughts but you will view them as irrelevant or silly. Just like you would do with those positive thoughts I mentioned in the previous example.

      Of course, you can do it consciously by flipping your thoughts as I often mentioned in my articles but I feel like this may not be the best approach for beginners whose faith may still be wavering. Once you tested it enough then sure, you can do that. Or, of course, if you have full faith in that type of approach. But if it feels exhausting, I would recommend combining it with other technique of your choosing!


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